I am a planner. When it comes to having a family, the plan doesn’t always happen as you mapped out. When Jamie and I talked about having kids, our number has always been two! It took us a year to get pregnant with Everly. We started working with a fertility doctor to help us. We had our first fertility treatment booked and a month before the treatment, I got pregnant naturally. I found out on my birthday that I was pregnant. It was such an amazing gift! Once Everly was born, my new plan was to start trying for the next baby once our house was done and we were all moved in. Our plan sounded good as we would be settled into the new house and Everly would be 15 months old.
Well, our plan didn’t play out like that at all. When Everly was nine months old, we found out I was pregnant. It was a total surprise and I actually took a few tests because I didn’t believe it. Who knew a dollar store pregnancy test was so accurate?! As much as I was so grateful to be pregnant, I totally admit I struggled with the idea. The first two months we only told a few people. I felt terrible because they were so excited and while I had such mixed emotions. After chatting with them, I felt as though I needed to be more excited. It was never about not wanting another baby; it was about being pregnant again so soon after having Everly! Giving your body to create another little person is hard – physically and emotionally. I’m sure lots of Mum’s would agree with me!!
I would go through stages of being super excited, then not happy that I am going through pregnancy so soon and embarrassed that I was having these thoughts at all. Considering, I know how hard it can be to get pregnant. I really feel this time in my life was my GRATEFUL STRUGGLE! Grateful to be given a gift of another healthy child and the struggle I felt being pregnant again so close to my first. I know every woman goes through different emotions during pregnancy and I decided to accept that this was just my journey and it was ok to feel that way! Now being almost six months pregnant, all these feeling have passed and I am trying to enjoy this pregnancy and embrace everything that comes along with the next 4 months!!